Heartbreak
by BeckyLuvsTwilight
Summary: My heart, My soul, My virginity, and My love, gone. I have now idea how to fall out of love with him. I can only pray it gets better as the days pass. Empty is all I have left now. Mild lemons, OOC/AH/AU Based on real events
1. Chapter 1

A/N Hello everyone, this story is very personal to me it is based on real events in my life. The notes really happened to me and I am still with the love of my life that broke my heart at 17. Bella and Edward will be OOC. There will be mild lemons and language. I will post here until I am told to take my stuff down.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any rights to the songs that are mentioned. Much to my disappointment.

Chapter 1

BPOV

May, 30

_Bella,_

_I have been thinking about this for a while now. I don't love you anymore. I can't be with you. I know this is lame breaking up with you in a letter but I don't think I can say the words to your face. We want different things right now and I have to have to opportunity to explore what I want. I'm sorry it's over._

_Edward_

It was the last day of school my Junior year and my boyfriend, Edward gave me this note before he jumped in the car with his best friend Jasper. He was gone before I could even argue, before I could ask him to say he didn't love me to my face. Did he want someone else? The thought made me physically ill. I knew something was off for the past week he had been distant and not calling and texting as often. He started making excuses not to spend time with me alone. The dreams were the worst. I guess I should have known because I dreamt about him leaving me at least 3 times before he give me this note. I can't believe it, he told me over and over again how much he loved me. If that is true, this means the past year had been in vain and I was a fool to believe him. To believe in myself and my own instincts. My heart, My soul, My virginity, and My love, gone. I have now idea how to fall out of love with him. I can only pray it gets better as the days pass. Empty is all I have left now.

Heartbreak is a funny thing, its like living life on autopilot. I got up. I went to work. Rinse, lather and repeat. After awhile the numbness set it and it was a relief. The odd thing is the physical ache of heartbreak. I could feel my heart literally hurt in my chest. My arms hurt, longing to hold him. I often hold on to my mid section to try to ease the ache. I crave his kiss. I miss his scent. I think most of all I miss his friendship. I thought about going to his house and talk to him, but I couldn't find the courage. It would crush me if I heard him say he didn't want me out loud. So I left him alone and he left me alone. I love him and I will always love him.

I think the tears are the worst part. I hate to cry anyway and I find myself crying over the strangest things now. Of course at first it was all I did. I got in my truck the other day to go to work and suddenly the waterworks started. I remembered how he would whine and moan when I insisted we take my truck to La Push last summer. Our shared love of music killed my heart too. I almost stopped listening to it all together. The oddest songs would trigger traitor tears to roll down my face.

It's like my heart would never heal, like I will always feel empty and the hole will always be there. I take things day to day now. I stopped taking my birth control pills because I was only taking them for him, and its not like I need them for medical reasons or something. I know I would be tempted to fuck him out of my system with some unsuspecting member of the opposite sex. I also know I won't have sex without the pills, besides heart can't handle it anyway. I won't put my self out there like that right now. I still had to remove the temptation.

I can't.

Instead I will settle for the constant ache between my thighs, what's one more ache anyway. I try my best to ignore it. I want to keep sex sacred, to respect myself, and not just hook up. My pride, it seems it is all I have left. So I go back to plain old Bella, just a girl who likes books and the one who will find someone else to love someday. I know I have to pick my sorry ass off the ground and hold my head up, to feel the sun on my face.

It is two months later and I am pissed off today. The numbness has been replaced by anger and resentment. But the worst is the regret. I feel it all today. I guess it is nice to feel something, but I didn't expect this. I found some of the old letters he wrote to me while he was in class last year, we seemed to never have the same schedule, so we would write letters back and forth. I have read them over and over, trying to find some hint of unhappiness on his part. Some hint of something that would tell me what I had done wrong. Why I was not good enough for him. Yes, he is gorgeous. Me, I guess I'm pretty plain. It's not like I am ugly or anything. I fold up the letters trying my best not to rip them to shreds. I guess I want proof one day that I had found the one for me. That I was capable of loving someone with everything that I am. I put them back in the box under my bed, because I know I will destroy them if I don't. So now I am just mad. Mad at the promises he made me, mad at the future he stole for me. Mad at myself for foolishly believing I had found the one at 16. Who does that anyway? Mad because I can't make my heart let go of him. Mad at the nightmares, mad at everything. The tears are rolling now and I have to escape. I get in my truck and drive to first beach. The water has been my companion though this.

I will find the strength. I have to because school will start soon and I will have to face him. I have to try to make the pain subside somehow. I have to prove to him that I can live without him. Most of all prove it to myself. Today I am so mad at him. I feel oddly empowered by my anger like I know I will be ok. I have to let him go. Let go of the fantasy of us, and our white picket fenced happily ever after, cause that shit don't happen in real life; even if you have found the one. How could I have been so wrong about that? Or so easy to let go? Like we were never in love. I know we were. I know it with everything I am. That's why this hurts so bad. Traitor tears fall down my face. I am so fucking sick of crying. I wipe my tears with resolve. I'm DONE crying.

Fuck him.

"I thought I would find you here."

I didn't even hear her walk up. Alice Brandon my best friend and savior.

"Hi Alice"

I didn't look at her as she sat down beside me on the sand.

"How are you today?"

She held me for hours while I cried, many days following the note.

"I'm pissed off, and I'm tired of crying."

"WOW, I didn't expect that." she half giggled.

"It feels good to feel something, it actually makes me feel better."

She smirked at me.

"I think that is the final stage of the grieving process." Her parents are psychologists.

"Grieving process? Alice what are you talking about, no one died." I looked at her with confusion.

"Yeah, just because no one physically died does not mean we don't grieve when things end."

"What the fuck kinda psycho babble bullshit is that, Alice?"

"Think about it Bella, you suffered a loss even though it is not physical does not mean you don't grieve your emotional loss, a loss is a loss."

Alice has always been wise beyond her years.

'I guess that makes sense because, I feel the loss physically and emotionally, damn that's some deep shit Alice. I never thought about it that way."

I wanted to change the subject, I'm done with this shit. I'm just done. I want my life back. So I can make something of it. My future is mine now.

"So Alice how's Jasper?"

"Beautiful, sexy, and I'm still not on his radar." she sighs.

Alice has wanted Jasper for a long time, I thought they would get together when Edward and I did. _Please don't say his name we can't take it. My heart sighed._

"Have you spoken to Edward?" I cringed at his name.

"No, of course not, you know I haven't seen him in two months. A clean break, I'm thankful for that more and more these days. I am worried about school." I paused.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know, avoid him as much as possible, he has to know I can live my life without him, that he didn't break me. I can't give him the satisfaction. He broke up with me in a note so he could do god knows what with god knows who. Even if I have to completely fake it, I will."

I looked at Alice her face was priceless.

"Are you sure you can do that Bella, I mean he's your one?"

"Whether he is my one or not he doesn't want me. I can't make him love, if he doesn't." I refuted.

"Besides, Alice, I don't want someone who doesn't want me. I won't live like my mother. I won't give everything to someone and get nothing in return."

Phil my step-dad is an alcoholic and he is mentally abusive to my mother, that's why I live in Forks with my dad and have been for the past four years. She stays with him even though he is a dreadful drunk, thank god for Charlie.

"So are we going to Mike's annual back to school party in two weeks?" I asked Alice.

"Bella, are you ok because I could have sworn you asked if we were going to Mike's party?" She giggled.

"Yeah, I think it will be good for me. I feel like all I have done is work and grieve this summer. I need an out." She was still looking at me funny.

"Alice, I need your help, I want to change my look. I think he needs to know what he walked out on, and I wanna show him." She gave me an evil smile and squealed. She was practically floating.

"Alice,….. ALICE besides I need it for me. It will help me feel better." She smiled and put her arm around me.

"Let's get started"

A/N What did you think? Let me know


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Some lemony goodness in this chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

Chapter 2

BPOV

_I can feel the soft ground underneath my body as he laid down beside me on the blanket he brought. It was late in the day almost twilight. Edward had brought me here to watch the sunset. He made a picnic of small sandwiches and juice boxes…so Edward, so sweet. I have a surprise for him also. I am ready I want to be with him give him all of me. I have been on birth control for a month and I have condoms in my jacket. He has no Idea. My heart is in my throat, racing. How do I tell him? Maybe I'll show him. This is his special place, his meadow. It was perfect._

"_Bella, we should get going, the sun is gone now. We need to get back to the car before the light is totally gone."_

"_Ok," disappointed._

"_We can go back to my house, my parents are in Seattle for the night." I found out about their trip to Seattle a week ago. My frown was replaced by a big smile. I had planned to stay the night with him. Charlie thinks I'm with Alice. _

_We walked back to his Volvo and went straight to his house. We walked up to the front door to find my duffle bag sitting there._

"_Bella, why is your bag here?" He looked at me confused._

"_I had Alice drop it off." _

_I gave him the sexiest look I could gather as the butterflies attacked my whole body. _

"_Why?"_

"_You'll see."_

_I grabbed him and my bag and lead him up the stairs and to his room. I dropped my bag and his hand, then sat on his bed, facing him. _

_He looked at me curiously as leaned against the back of his closed door. _

_Our eyes meet._

"_I'm ready, Edward." _

"_Ready for what, Bella?"_

"_For you, for us to make love."_

_His eyes filled with lust and anticipation._

"_Are you sure?"_

_I took my shirt off and my bra off in one swift move._

"_Yes."_

_He followed my lead and pulled his shirt off. He carefully walked over to me and cupped my naked breast. I unbuttoned his pants. I fucking loved his button flies; I dropped them to the floor as he scooped me up bridal style and placed me in the center of his bed. He attacked my mouth and unbuttoned my jeans. He pulled them off me leaving us only in our underwear. _

"_Your so beautiful, Bella" _

_As he placed luscious kisses on my stomach, then over my panties, teasing me by inhaling and kissing my soft mound. _

_Making me squirm and ache with need._

_I started to touch his naked flash, as one of my hands followed his path of hair to his erect member. I grabbed his covered erection and started to stroke him. His sounds were music to my ears and I wanted to spend my life making him moan like that. Our tongues danced in a perfect balance of lust and love. His hands were igniting my body as he explored my naked flesh, then finally feeling one of his hands rubbing my aching pussy. Desperate for friction I pulled him completely on top of me. His weight felt like heaven and I spread my legs letting our instincts take over, our bodies found their missing pieces and I felt like I was going to explode. Our breathing was heavy with anticipation. _

"_Are you ready?" He said in a delicate whisper. _

"_Yes"_

_He freed us of our underwear, then grabbed a condom from his drawer. I knew they were there, we both put them there. He sat on the edge of the bed rolling the condom on. I was not getting pregnant so we doubled up. He slid between my legs. After a few miss directed movements he found what he was looking for. He slid in gently filling me and breaking my barrier. The pain was indescribable. Good and bad all at the same time. _

_He was still, looking at me for my reaction. _

"_Edward, please move I will adjust." _

_I could see he was trying to keep his composure._

_Slowly he moved in and out of me, the pain went away as I met his thrusts making love to him too. His face was buried in my shoulder, as he kissed my neck and earlobe. I couldn't get close enough to him. I reached down and grabbed his ass pushing him into me deeper, making his head shoot up. With his eyes locked on mine and he moaned, almost growled it was feral. He pushed into me harder answering my silent request. Our breathing was frantic and I could feel his body shiver. It set me on fire. A small wave of pleasure rolled through my body…….._

I woke up in a mess of tears and sobs. Our first time I had dreamt of our first time. I could still feel the ache in my lady bits. I sat up, my hands covering my face as I sobbed, my knees to my chest. I lifted my head up and looked out the window. Why today of all days did I have to dream of that and every detail as if it was really happening. Damn, I can still feel his ghostly hands on my body. Edward may not be a perfect boyfriend but he was a perfect lover. Generous and passionate.

Today was Mike's party and I know he will be there his Facebook page said so. His relationship status was single. As was mine. I'm sure Fork's vulture squad would be lurking now that Edward was free. I had been the only one to have a relationship with him much to their ire. I took Edward's virginity too. That had to count for something. I deleted his last texts to me and his voice mails but I didn't remove him as a friend on Facebook. It was like our relationship was frozen in time, in one moment, stopped, frozen over; like it never existed. I never posted anything on his wall. I thought about updating my status saying I would be at the party but I didn't want him to know for sure.

After the tears dried up, I faced the day with new resolve. Today was my day. I knew we were done and I had finally accepted that. _My heart wouldn't hear it_… I had to try. I had to show him that I had survived his stupid fucked up note he gave me. Show him what he couldn't have anymore. Even if he could care less about me tonight, I had to do this for me. To prove to myself that I would be alright without him. That I could be in his presence and not run off and lick my wounds like an animal. I had another year with him in school. I had to get through the day to day somehow.

My body was killer from the heartbreak diet and the running I did to combat the ever ending ache of loss. My hair was cut, layered but still past my shoulders, It was colored with a hints of red strategically placed in my mahogany locks. My body had changed a little adding a few more curves and surprisingly a cup size, late bloomer I guess. I looked more like a woman instead of a 12 year old girl. Now if only I could be a little taller like 5'6". I guess I am going to be 5'4" for the rest of my life. My brown eyes and heart shaped face were still ever present, with a little puffiness from crying.

I had to face the fact that there would probably be girls hanging all over him whispering promises of sexual gratification in his ears. He is Fork's most eligible guy now. All I know is that the sex and love we shared was mind blowing and earthmoving. At least for me. It would be hard for me to believe he would take a vow of chastity after that. I know how difficult it is for me. And guys are what, a million times worse about that then girls, right. Although, he was always kind to me as he made it known what he wanted, without unnecessary pressure. It was my decision, he always left it to me.

_Fuck! Back to square one again, come on Swan suck it up. It's over. _

"Dammit, Bella why are your eyes puffy you haven't cried in two weeks."

Alice was standing in my doorway hold a massive tote.

"Hi Alice, couldn't be helped my dreams betrayed me. I woke up this way."

She set the tote down.

"Go get in the shower we only have four hours to make you fuckhot, and make his tongue mop the floor."

"Whatever, Alice." Giving her my best 'Clueless'.

Four hours later, I was stunning, if I do say so myself. I looked at the girl in the mirror and didn't recognize her. Me, Bella Swan, survivor, brokenhearted, proud and now a woman. Maybe he was never worthy of me, cause he was to weak to be the man I deserved. I know I can't make my heart believe that but, I needed every ounce of courage I could muster. I have to do this, he has to see. I am and will be the best he will ever have. I am his 'one' too. Someday he will regret me, but I will not regret him. He showed me I was capable; I could love without limits, and I could let him go.

The past two weeks had been in preparation for this night. Shopping, hair, makeup, and a new wardrobe. Of course, I have the perfect dress, black strapless, mini, Grecian Goddess like, it moved with my body I loved it. Shoes, strapy sliver, heeled the perfect height. My panties are midnight blue, as a silent Fuck You Edward. No bra, the dress held me perfectly. I felt good, empowered, like I could breathe again. Alice is truly gifted. She has always wanted to play Bella Barbie with me, but I would never let her, till now. It was me, not dramatic, just polished. He tried not make me feel worthless, but all he did was make me stronger. One day I will forgive him, and today is not that day.

Tonight I will show him.

A/N Tell me what ya think


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Here's the party and an introduction to a new character. No one in the Twilight universe was exactly like the one I needed for this story. Ayden is based off a real person, I wish I could have gotten to know better, but that's how it is!!! Enjoy

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, the gods smiled upon Stephenie Meyer, I just thank her sister for pushing her to publish it!!!

Chapter 3

BPOV

The drive over to the party was filled with nervous anticipations. I was ready. Alice was driving, we would go back to her house after it was over. Charlie was working a double. Alice looked stunning, she too bloomed a little over the summer, my pixie friend had a little junk in her trunk and a bounce in her step. She looked amazing, Jasper was sure to fall wickedly at her feet. She wore a hunter green dress that fit her perfectly. I know she had a plan to even if she never said a word to me. Jasper better watch out, stupid boy won't know what hit him.

We pulled in front of the house, the party was in full swing. We purposely did this to make an entrance. She parked her car, we got out and did last minute perfecting to our looks.

"Ready?"

My heart in my stomach, kicking the butterflies' asses. _Poise and confidence, you can do this Bella._

We walked with grace and our heads held high. I really hadn't seen anyone but Alice. Everyone knew Edward and I broke up but no one knows the details, shit I don't even know the details. I never asked him. Honestly, he didn't love me anymore and that is all the details I really need.

At the door. Alice looked at me.

"Bella you are beautiful, you have nothing to be ashamed of. He will regret the day he let you go. Now let's go in."

"Thank you Alice, now get Jasper, you deserve to be happy."

She winked at me as we entered Mikes house. The music was blaring I could see pretty much every Junior and Senior from Forks High. We stood at the door taking everything in. I realized that people were staring at me, it made me self conscience. With a polite nod we made our way through the crowd to get something to drink. I made a vow that I would not get drunk just a slight buzz. I needed my wits about me if I was going to keep my composure and not cry. I saw Edward, but he didn't see me and my breath caught. I stopped in my tracks, staring at him. His hair was the usual sex mess, bronze glory, it was longer though. He hadn't shaved in a couple of days. He was wearing a black v neck T-shirt, with those damn fuckable button fly jeans I love, in dark denim, my panties' kryptonite.

_FUCK ME_

Oh, yeah I'm still totally in love with him. I felt the pull and the yearning in my heart. I shook my head and moved through the crowd to find Alice and a drink, before he saw me looking at him.

I ran into Angela, another good friend of mine.

"Hi, Bella you look amazing."

"Hi, Ang you too."

"So Bella did I hear correctly that you and Edward broke up? What happened?"

"Yes, and I really don't know, you'd have to ask him."

Holding back the tears.

"I'd rather not talk about it. How was your summer?"

God love Angela she never pyres.

She started into a story about her twin brothers and the vacation her family took. I was half listening because I felt like I was being watched. I turn my head slightly to meet the all to familiar green pools. His face was frozen, fixed on me and I noticed Angela stopped talking witnessing our exchange. I made sure he saw all of me as I turned to face him full on, placing a hand on my hip, shifting my weight. Daring him to make a move. I wouldn't speak a word to him. All I needed to say was written all over my face. _Fuck you Cullen. Eat your heart out_. I was first to end our stare off.

Yeah he was ogling me.

I turned my back to him slowly, giving him the full effect. I said good bye to Angela as I started to walk away, with a little sway and bounce, towards the kitchen. I came across Mike Newton and someone I did not recognize. He was hot.

"Bella, WOW, come here meet my new friend he just transferred here from a small town in Oregon." I approached Mike and his Friend.

"Bella this is Ayden Davis. Ayden this goddess is Bella Swan."

"Hello, beautiful Bella." Damn his voice dripped sex.

"Hello Ayden." My heart was racing, fuck, Edward who?

"Can I get you a drink?" Ayden said. His voice was deep and delicious.

"Yes"

He handed me a cup from the counter I think it has beer in it.

I could hear Mike still taking but I didn't hear a word he said, as Jessica pulled him to the dance floor, all I could do is gawk at the gorgeous creature before me.

He was about 6'2', his eyes were blue, stunning, his hair was almost black and his skin was sun kissed. He had a strong jaw line. He was wearing black jeans and sage polo shirt. He smelled amazing like leather, musk and well, boy. He was very attractive. I found myself a little wet and achy as I drank him into memory. I realized he was talking mid-ogle.

"I'm sorry what did you say?"

"Would you like to go out on the deck to talk some more?"

"Sure."

He grabbed my hand and lead me outside. I didn't feel the electricity I felt with Edward, but his hand was nice and comforting.

He a way and a confidence about him that made me swoon. I wondered if he was really still in high school, because he carried himself like a man.

We stood on the back deck against the rail nursing our drinks. I found out that he was from Bend, Oregon. His parent relocated here to open a new division of their logging company. He was going into his senior year too. His middle name was Michael. He was a big fan of the band 'Kings of Leon' and he liked Stephen King Novels. He was nice, charming and I couldn't deny the chemistry. We flirted and exchanged lustful glances. I told him about Charlie and Alice. I didn't mention Edward. We exchanged numbers, and I told him I was on Facebook. We talked about nothing of consequence for several minutes. He was nice and easy especially on the eyes. I really liked him.

"BELLAAA," I heard Alice, before I saw her.

"There you are and who are you." She pointed at Ayden.

"Alice, this is Ayden Davis, he just transferred here from Oregon. Ayden this is Alice, my best friend." She looked him up and down before pulling me back into the house. Ayden just smiled, yeah panty dropping, stunning.

"Bye Ayden."

"I'll call you Bella."

I flashed him a wide smile as Alice pulled me from his view.

"Jeez, Alice where's the fire? slow down."

"Let's dance"

We entered the center of the dance floor and room filled with sounds of Lady Gaga, Cascada, and several more I did not recognize but still fun to dance to. Song after song, Alice and I lost ourselves. I was completely ignoring Edward, I felt like I could get through just fine without him. I wonder if she talked to Jasper. Suddenly the music changed and a slow song came on 'Everything' by Lifehouse. I was really surprised to hear it. I love that song, of course it made me think of Edward. I saw Jasper standing behind Alice as the song started to play.

"Alice will you dance with me?"

Her eyes were like saucers.

"Yes, Jasper."

He took her hand and it was my cue to leave them. I looked for Ayden, but I didn't see him. I walked outside and found a nice comfy chair to sit in. Not really sure of what I wanted to do, as I stared into the darkness and watched the stars twinkle. I felt a little peace. I heard someone sit beside me. I was shocked to see Edward there. My new found serenity disappeared.

"Bella, you look really beautiful tonight." He paused and I glared at him not saying a word.

"How have you been?" FUCKER……how do you think I have been. I was fuming. I would give him nothing.

"Fine." I said looking into the night, away from him.

"I'm Sorry." I barely heard him.

With that he got up and walked away. The reality of his apology hit my like a brick wall. The words I longed to hear and it still didn't make me feel any better. It wasn't even close to being enough to mend my fragile heart. A small tear escaped and fell to the fabric of my dress. I took deep breaths to get under control. I would not cry not here, not now.

I meant to say so many things to him, like I still loved him, I was dying inside, and I missed him.

Why did he let me go? What did he want? It was like trying to solve all the worlds problems at once. I was lost. So many unanswered questions.

I sat quietly letting my mind wonder, thinking about all the perfect moments we shared.

The History project we were partnered on that brought us together. He told me he had liked me for a long time, and I admitted the same. It really was surreal, the most gorgeous guy in our school liked me. I had a hard time believing it, foresight I guess. He asked me to be his girlfriend a week later, we were inseparable, from that moment on. He told me he loved me two months later at first beach down in La Push, sitting in the sand watching the sunset. I flashed to the night we first made love and the many times after that. Prom, dates, flowers, love notes and all the other things we did together. Laughing, talking, loving. How could he not miss me? Or not want me? Or not love me? We spent practically an entire year together. It seems like such a waste now. He was sorry, what did that even mean? It certainly wasn't enough.

I snapped out of my walk down memory lane and decided to find Alice to see how she and Jasper were doing. I walked in back into the party, and saw a mess of bodies dancing, making out, and drinking. I found Alice and Jasper in a small corner making out and I smiled a little for them. _You go Alice._ I turned around and came face to face with a nightmare. Edward kissing Tanya one of the vulture squad. My heart shattered. I could feel the tears coming, and the bile in my throat. At that moment he broke the kiss and caught my stare. If looks could kill they would be dead. Tanya the fucking bitch smirked at me. He knew I saw him. I carefully turned and headed towards the door.

I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't think.

I had to leave.

All the preparation in the world could not have prepared me for that moment. It knocked the wind out of me and surfaced everything I tried to bury. I swallowed a big lump in my throat and let the tears take over. I heard my name but I kept walking. Suddenly Edward grabbed me spun me around and kissed me. Deeply, passionately, forcefully, like he had claim to me. It felt like home, whole, right, and my place was beside Edward where I should be. Damn dazzling lip magic. He broke the kiss both of us panting, searching for air.

"Bella, I'm sorry, I love you, I'm lost with out you."

I couldn't look at him. I didn't say anything. I couldn't form the words, everything I had longed for him to say for the past two and a half months he was saying now. I was still so in love him, I wanted to go back to him. But I couldn't. I wouldn't survive another fucked up break up note. I was now fully aware of just how much he broke me. He left me so easily. He threw me away so easily. I had to protect myself. He is telling me he loves me, but just seconds before he was kissing Tanya. He saw the hesitation in my eyes and fell to his knees, tears down his face clinging to my stomach, his arms around my waist. I pulled him from me, turned around and continued to walk away through the sea of parked cars. He came after me again and grabbed my hand.

"Please, Bella can we talk?"

"There's nothing more to say Edward."

Then from out of nowhere.

"Hey, Bella can I give a ride somewhere?"

Like an angel of mercy Ayden appeared, offering his hand to me. I looked back at Edward who was glaring at Ayden.

"It's over Edward."

I took Ayden's hand and walked away.

A/N What did you think of Ayden!?


	4. Chapter 4

A/N This chapter is the rise and fall of Ayden, nothing to bad, he just has to follow his heart, just like we all do. Ayden was a real person to me. I changed the real story a bit and added things I wished had happened. One thing I have learned is love always wins.

Disclaimer: Have I told Stephenie how grateful I am for Edward, I do love him so!! Enjoy

Chapter 4

BPOV

I realized about a mile down the road that I had just gotten into a car with a complete stranger. Sure we had a nice conversation, but what did I really know anything about him. I wanted someone to know where I was going. I pulled my cell from my little wristlet bag and text Alice.

got a ride back to my house with Ayden~B

k, i'm leaving too with Jasper~A

damn girl you move fast~B

it's fate Bella i'm going with it~A

k Ali, be careful~B

you too~A

"Bella where do you live?" Ayden's sultry voice broke me out of my overwhelmed mind.

"When we get into town just turn right on the first street."

"Do want to talk about it?" He was offering me a shoulder. He looked concerned about me. He was beautiful too.

"That was Edward, we broke up about two months ago. He wrote me this ridiculous note, saying it was over that he didn't love me anymore. Tonight, I saw him kissing some other girl and it was just to soon to see something like that. He followed me out and told me he wanted me back, but I can't go back, he hurt me to bad." I paused, "Wow I'm really sorry, I'm sure that was more than you wanted to hear."

"No, not at all, I asked remember." I can't help it his voice makes me tingle, a small smile filled my face.

"I really don't want to talk about him anymore, turn here my house is on the corner." He stopped the car and looked at me.

"I really want to get to know you Bella, I think he is an idiot to let you go like that."

He got out of the car and opened my door for me, then walked me to my door.

"I want to know you too, but I can't make any promises. I'm a little crazy and flighty right now. I don't want to hurt you." He smiled and grabbed my hand, standing at my front door.

"I just want to spend time with you however you want, no pressure just two people getting to know one another."

I leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips. They were soft and I wanted to explore them more, but not tonight. His eyes were wide and full of surprise.

"Thank you, Ayden for the ride home and saving me from myself tonight. I look forward to getting to know you better, and I'll see you later."

I unlocked the door and stepped through, before I closed the door I heard Ayden.

"I'll call you Bella. Goodnight"

"I'd like that, Goodnight."

It's Monday and the first day of school. I spent yesterday thinking about Ayden, and surprisingly I didn't think about Edward. I needed that kiss, I needed to know that I was over him and that I could move on and yesterday was proof. I was looking forward to getting to know Ayden. He is sweet, funny, nice, smart, and so sexy. We text all day yesterday and he asked to take me out Friday. I said yes.

I got to school and found my schedule, I have three classes with Ayden. Two classes with Alice and hoping I didn't have any with Edward. By lunch I was relieved to know I didn't have any classes with him. I didn't even see him. I sat with Alice, Ayden and Jasper. Alice and Jasper were in their own world. I think something happened Saturday night after the party, but I haven't had the opportunity to ask her about it. I spotted Edward sitting with all the other football players. Normally, Jasper would be with him since he is on the football team too. I guess Alice is more important, that thought made me chuckle to myself. Ayden and I talked as we ate and he touched my hand a few times. It felt nice and I really like him he is down right easy on the eyes and easy to talk too. When the bell rang he kissed me on the cheek and walked me to my next class, Government. I walked in to find Edward sitting in one of the desks, damn I thought I would make it through the day without him being in one of my classes. I locked eyes with him and took a seat on the opposite end of the room. I could feel him watching me. I looked pretty good, Alice picked out some really cute clothes for me.

By the time Friday came around I was a bundle of nerves I haven't been out on a date in months. Alice came over and helped me get ready to go. She picked out a pair of dark denim skinny jeans, a really pretty blue shirt and low peep toe pumps. She did my hair and make up.

"So Alice, how's Jasper?" I think I heard her swoon.

"Oh, Bella everything I thought he would be and more." I had to know.

"Did you sleep with him?" I giggled.

"Bella" She growled.

I turned and faced her, "Well?"

She blushed fiercely, and in almost a whisper, "yes"

"OH MY GOD, Alice when?" I smiled hugely.

"After the party, I took him back to my house since you went home and my parents were gone." I knew he took her virginity she had been secretly saving herself for him.

"So, how was it?" I asked coyly.

"Oh my Bella, he was so gentle and amazing. It was everything I thought it would be." she giggled.

"We talked, kissed, made love until he had to leave the next day. Oh Bella, I'm so in love." She finished my hair and I hugged her.

"Alice, I am so happy for you." I heard a knock at the door. Charlie answered it. I had to bolt downstairs to save Ayden from Charlie's interrogation. Alice followed.

"Dad, be nice." He was glaring at Ayden standing in the doorway.

"Hi, Ayden, this is my dad, Charlie, dad this is Ayden." They shook hands.

"Nice to meet you sir." Ayden's voice and politeness made me swoon.

"Bella, Ayden, I'll see you both later, Bells, I want deets tomorrow." She batted her eyes at Charlie, "Bye Charlie, be nice." My dad adored her. I blushed as Alice walked out the front door.

"Bells, be home by midnight, ok, Ayden drive safely and no funny business." I blushed deeply at Charlie's remark.

"Come on, Ayden." I had to get out of there before Charlie embarrassed me more.

He opened the car door for me. Then he took his place in the drivers seat.

"So where are we going?"

"Port Angeles, dinner and a movie ok?" He smiled at me and it made me tingle.

"Sure."

I realized that I hadn't noticed what he was wearing yet. Oh my he had on dark button fly jeans, _geez, how did he know what jeans to wear to make me hot and bothered….my lady bits sighed, _He had on a black button down stripped shirt with some kind of graphic on the right shoulder, chest area, it fit him perfectly. He smelled positively sinful. Musk, leather, and maybe a hint of chocolate. _Delicious…_

He pulled into a steakhouse and I was so grateful he did not take to the little Italian place that Edward used to take me to. We had a nice dinner and conversation. I am so attracted to him, he is extremely sexy. I sat there kicking myself that I stopped taking my birth control pills. I really wanted to sleep with him. I am glad I took that temptation away because right now, with the ache I have, it wouldn't take much for me to ask him to relieve it. The movie was good, I guess, I barely noticed it. My eyes were on Ayden and I couldn't concentrate, because oh god, do I dare say it, I am fucking horny as hell. He kept looking at me curiously and I tried to hide my obvious arousal.

We got back to my house around eleven. Charlie had left me a voice mail when we were in the movie saying he would not be home because he got called in to work. I invited Ayden in and we sat on the couch just talking. I leaned in an kissed him. It started to get a little heated. He knew I was no virgin, and he wasn't either. He had a girlfriend but they broke up a few months before he moved to Forks. Our make out session was not helping my horny state and mind was fuzzy with want. I pulled in on top of me and I could feel his erection on my aching center. I was dying for friction. His lips were soft and he tasted so good. It wasn't as electrified like Edward's kisses, it was just different. No better, no worse, just different. So good. He started to silently move and create the friction we were both wanting. Basically dry humping. I could feel myself start to cum. I broke our kiss panting, breathing erratically, and softly moaning. He lost it too. Our combined moans were erotic and he looked so sexy as he came. He looked at me and I could tell he was embarrassed. I looked at Ayden and in a whisper I said.

"Please don't be embarrassed, I loved being able to make you feel good." I brushed his hair lovingly off his forehead with my fingers. It was so soft.

"Bella, I'm so sorry I lost it like that, I couldn't help it you are so beautiful when you come." He chuckled, "I guess I should go my pants are quite uncomfortable now." He got up and headed for the door. I followed him.

"Bye, Ayden thank you for a great evening."

"Your welcome, Bella, I'll call you tomorrow okay." He kissed me a couple of more times then left. I feel asleep after a much needed shower.

The next month past and I barely noticed Edward. It was liberating. I never saw him with anyone else. Even the vulture squad backed off him. He must of really told them to get bent, because they are relentless. I spent a lot of time with Ayden, Alice and Jasper. Ayden and I have had a few dates. I wouldn't really call us boyfriend and girlfriend but he was so nice to be around he didn't pressure me as he promised. I was really starting to like him and flirted with him shamelessly. We backed off a little after that heavy make out session. I just loved kissing him and spending time with him no matter what that entailed.

It was a typical Tuesday and I stopped at my locker to get my books for my next class when I opened it a note fell out and landed on the floor. I picked it up and looked at it. It had my name on the front and I didn't recognize the handwriting.

_Bella,_

_I watch you everyday and I am mesmerized by how beautiful you are. You haunt my dreams and my every thought. You make me want to be a better man, someone who is worthy of you. Someday you will know who I am but for now I will keep my identify a secret. Just know that I am out there, and my heart beats for you. I am not Ayden. I hope he understands what a precious gift you are. I hope he treats you like the goddess you are. I will be watching and waiting. I want to make you mine. _

The letter was signed with a strange looking symbol. I have never seen it before. I felt a little strange like I was being watched. The letter felt downright stalkerish. It made me uncomfortable. I showed it to Alice and Ayden, they were disturbed too. Ayden assured me that he would look out for me and he does know what a precious gift I am. I blushed bright red. I tried to get it out of my mind but it was disturbing to me. I wondered if it was Edward who put this note in my locker, but it defiantly was not his handwriting. I wandered if it was Mike Newton he had a crush on me before Edward and I got together.

A few days past, the note was always in the back of my mind taunting me. Haunting. I looked around to see if anyone was staring at me or watching me giving me some clue as to who my mystery admirer was. It was kinda disturbing. I spent time talking, laughing, and kissing Ayden. I still had not resumed taking my birth control pills. I can't take it that far, and he was far to tempting.

My heart was slowly healing and Edward had stopped consuming my every thought and my dreams. I have not spoken a word to him since that night at Mike's party. It was like we never existed, and that thought hurt my fragile heart. I had nothing to say to him, he wanted things this way he made it abundantly clear in that note he wrote me, even though he said he still wanted me at the party he had made no attempts to show he meant his words. It's like I wasn't worth the fight or something. I would see him glaring at Ayden as he held my hand or kissed me chastely. I would always love Edward, but I don't think I am in love with him anymore and I only wish him the best.

On Friday another note appeared. Same handwriting as before.

_Bella,_

_I know you must think this is a strange way to talk to you but, I can't help it. I had to find some way to talk to you. Every time I see you my knees go weak and I lose courage to speak to you face to face. I want you to know who I am, but for now I will stay hidden until I am sure I could face the rejection that might come if you knew my identity. For now I will admire the swing of your hips as you walk by me and your beautiful hair as it cascades down past your shoulders. I will admire your kind heart and thoughtful remarks in class. You are truly beautiful Bella and I hope to be worthy of you one day. I want you to be mine._

It was signed with the same symbol as before. I wasn't sure what to think of it. I kept it to myself. There was something about it I could not place my finger on. It seemed so familiar but so strange. Could Edward be somehow writing me these letters. My heart started to beat a little faster at the possibility. Ayden is great but he doesn't have the spark Edward does. I found myself sitting in government looking over at him. I missed him. His beautiful face and the way his body fit with mine making my lady bits tingle. As I drank him in as if I were seeing him for the first time.

I went to my locker after school and noticed Ayden was talking another girl. I think her name was Amanda. She looked positively smitten, of course I couldn't blame her, he is stunning.

"Hey Bella" He said looking over at me.

"I'll talk to you later." He said to Amanda, as he flashed her a panty dropping smile. He walked over to me leaving her standing there, dazzled. I was a little shocked that I didn't feel jealous.

"She has it bad for you." I smiled up at Ayden. He looked a little love stuck himself, he coyly chuckled, as his hand rubbed the back of his neck.

"Bella, can we talk."

"Sure why don't you follow me to first beach."

He got into his black Jeep Liberty and followed my rusty old Chevy to first beach. We got out and took our places in the sand looking out at the water. I kinda knew what was coming.

"So Bella, I like you, but I am not really sure what we are."

"What do you want us to be Ayden?"

"Friends Bella, just friends."

I knew I would never be able to give him anything more than that, no matter how sexually attracted I was to him. Edward is my one, sitting here I realized how much I still really love him.

"I know you like Amanda it is written all over your face. I would love to be your friend still. You should be happy Ayden and I will not hold you back. Thank you for being an amazing friend to me and I hope we will always be friends."

A silent tear fell down my face. I felt like he was breaking up with me even though we were never really together.

"You are an amazing person Bella and I hope you find love again."

I smiled at him as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. Holding me close, I breathed in his scent one last time.

"Amanda is really lucky and I wish you both the best. It was very considerate of you to tell me you found someone." I smiled at him. He is really very good looking. We had great chemistry. I really liked him. He just not the one.

We sat for a while and he told me about Amanda, they were partnered in class for the past week and just started talking, he wasn't really sure how he felt about her yet but wanted the opportunity to find out. That sounded a little to familiar.

We sat for awhile. Just talking. I wished him all the best and asked him to introduce me to Amanda, I knew her but never really talked to her.

I called Alice when I got home and told her about Ayden, she felt bad for me, but I told her not to it was for the best. At the end of the day I didn't have those kind of feelings for Ayden. She understood.

"So, Alice how's Jasper?"

"Beautiful, sexy, wonderful, and I'm completely in love with him, I pretty sure he is my 'one'."

"Wow, Alice are you sure?"

"Yes Bella I felt it the first time he kissed me, it was like 'where had he been all my life'."

"Yeah, I know what you are talking about, I felt that the first time Edward kissed me. That's awesome Alice, I wish you guys the best."

"You know Bella, Jasper says that Edward always asks about you and he won't date anyone else, even though he had offers."

Her words were no comfort.

"Stop, Alice I don't want to hear about Edward, not tonight."

I felt lost and jealous as I hung up with Alice. They all would get their happy ending. Alone again. I thought about Edward and how he was pretty much gone and the chances were slim that we would get back together. I had accepted that. So he asked about me, didn't mean anything. He never talks to me. I felt the familiar pain insult my insides, the hole in my chest I had managed to mask was back with a vengeance. It had never really went away I just got better at ignoring it until tonight. I cried for the first time in a month, for Ayden, for Edward, and for myself. I fell asleep waiting for the numbness to set in.

I dreamt of Edward for the first time in months.

A/N Tell what ya think


	5. Chapter 5

A/N I want to thank everyone who has reviewed, put this story in your faves, or on alert. It means more to me than you know. This story is very personal to me. Thank You.

Disclaimer: Miss Stephenie love your work!!

Chapter 5

BPOV

Monday at school was tough. Ayden and Amanda were hand in hand and all over each other. I guess they figured it out pretty fast. They sat with us at lunch and I got the opportunity to get to know Amanda she was perfect for Ayden. I was genuinely happy for them. I walked into Government and I saw Edward sitting there as usual. He looked up at me and he looked like he hadn't slept in days. I was worried about him. I tried to focus on the lecture. All I could think about was how terrible he looked. I didn't know what to say to him. After class he looked like he was going to come up and talk to me but he just walked past me to the boys locker room. I got in my truck and went home.

On Tuesday, I found another note in my locker.

_Bella,_

_My heart is split right now. One side hopes that Ayden has found someone else, but the other side is in pain thinking that he hurt you. I know your heart has been broken before. I want to be the one to help you heal it. I want to be worthy of you. In time you will know who I am. Right now please know that I am thinking of you and dreaming of you. Dreaming of the day I will make you mine. Even though my heart is split right now it is still yours._

It was signed again with the same strange symbol. Things were starting to get weird. Edward looked awful again today. I was still keeping my distance from him. I wanted to figure out who my secret note writer was. I wonder why he doesn't feel worthy, and why he just doesn't talk to me. For sure a plain Jane girl like me can't be all that intimating. I mean I am not Rosalie Hale, or that bitch Tanya Denali. They are gorgeous. They would have guys intimated, not me. I always thought myself to be approachable. I am not mean or stuck up. Yes, I am quiet and tend to not start conversations. Why would he think he couldn't talk to me. Maybe it is a girl. No way, at least I didn't know any lesbians in our school. I almost giggled out loud, the teacher glared at me.

It was the end of the day and Alice found me in the parking lot by my truck.

"Bella, do you want to got to Port Angeles with me? Jasper is taking me to homecoming, and I want to find a dress. We should find one for you too."

"Ok, Alice I'll go but I don't need a dress, I don't have a date."

"But you will I know it."

"Stop, with your freaky psychic thing, I know I won't have a date, but I'll go with you"

"We'll see Bella, besides you can try some on and if you find one then we'll get it just in case."

"Whatever Alice."

"Follow me to my house I need to drop off my truck."

I found the perfect dress, Alice, of course talked me into it, saying I would have a date to take me to the dance. I told her I wouldn't go with Mike Newton even if he asked me. She told me that he had asked Jessica Stanley. Thank god. We were on our way home.

"So Alice if you are so sure I will have a date then who will it be?"

"I don't know Bella, I just know you will attend with a date."

She dropped me off at my house and I went inside hanging my dress on the back of my door when suddenly my house phone rang. Charlie was working and I wondered who was calling so late because Charlie would have called my cell.

"Hello."

I realized Charlie didn't have caller id on the land line.

"Hello Bella."

I did not recognize his voice, but it was amazing.

"Yes, who is this?"

"Guess."

"Uumm. I have no clue and you better tell me or I am hanging up."

"Bella, it's Edward."

"Edward, I can't believe I didn't recognize your voice. Why are you calling me?" OMG!!

"I wanted to see how you were, I missed you."

My heart started to race. Why is he calling? why now?

"Edward what do you want? I know you didn't call me to see how I am."

"Ok, true Bella, but I want to talk to you. Can we get together?"

"Sure, meet me at first beach tomorrow after school."

"I can meet you at 5:30 after football practice."

Oh, yeah I forgot about football.

"Sure, Edward see you then. Bye."

I hung up before he said goodbye to me.

He caught me completely off guard. I climbed the stairs in a haze and went to bed.

The next day I woke still in a haze. What did he want to say to me? Why now? Who is writing the notes? So many questions. My stomach was in a constant state of flip/flop. After all this time now he wants to talk to me. Would he explain to me why he wanted to end things? Did he find what he was looking for? Does he finally know what he wants? I know I want him, I never stopped loving him. I just know that I can live without him if have to. That is empowering. Whatever he says. Whatever he wants to do. I will be alright. Yeah, I may want him, but he has to want me too or it will not work.

I was in the parking lot, sitting in my truck wondering how it was I got there because I was so lost in thought that I don't remember the drive. I got out cursing myself why did I let Edward get to me like this it was one phone call. What could he possibly have to say to me? My heart was screaming at me you love him, he's the one.

I saw Edward by his car and he smiled at me. He looked better today like he slept. I walked into school and opened my locker to another note. I was surprised because I got one yesterday.

_Bella,_

_You will know who I am by the end of today because I'm am going to ask you to homecoming. I hope you will say yes to me. Just in case, ask if me about the notes to know for sure it is me. I know how beautiful you are and so does the male population of this school. I'm ready for you to know who I am. I'm ready to make you mine._

I wish I knew what the symbol at the bottom of the page meant. This made me even more on edge. First Edward calls out of the blue, now mystery boy wants to reveal himself. Who will I choose? What did I want? I want Edward. I know that. I guess if he tells me tonight that he doesn't want me, I will go with the mystery note boy. I'm so confused. What if I really like mystery boy? What if I have an instant connection with him like I did with Ayden. The more I think about this the crazier I become. I have to let it all go, I can't do this. I felt like running but I was in the middle of my first class. I had to believe that was meant to be will be. I didn't tell Alice or anyone about meeting Edward or the other notes I had received. Alice knew I was on edge at lunch, but she just gave me a shy smile and let me be. She could be overwhelming but she knew when to leave me alone.

By the end of the day no one had asked me to homecoming. Maybe he chickened out. Maybe he changed his mind. Well I will see what Edward wants and then maybe I will have another note in my locker tomorrow. I ended up going to first beach right after school anyway. I needed to feel the sun on my face. It was a rare sunny fall day. It just felt good, peaceful. I was laying on the sand soaking up the sun when I heard someone sit beside me. I knew who it was the familiar smell of sunshine, musk and well Edward. The scent that has haunted my dreams for the past year and a half.

"Hello, Bella"

His voice spoke to my soul.

"Hello, Edward."

I sat up sitting closely beside him. His hair was still wet from is shower and he wrapped a blanket around us. I did not realize how cold it had gotten. I waited for him to speak.

"Bella, there are so many things I need to tell you, I'm not even sure where to start."

"Just start at the note, Edward please explain to me why suddenly you didn't love me anymore."

"I never stopped loving you. I just became so confused I want to be with you, but I started thinking about college and the future. We are so young Bella. How could we really make it work? I knew I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life but the thought of it freaked me out. My parents started asking me about my future and my father said that it wasn't fair of me to hold you or myself back over some high school puppy love that most likely would be over in a few years anyway. They didn't want me to ruin my future, by getting you pregnant or tying myself down to soon.

I thought about my what my parents said. I decided it was best to call it off and save ourselves the tough choices we would have to make about our future, we would be free to pursue our dreams. I wrote you the note because I couldn't say it to your face. I wouldn't have ever had the strength to let you go if I had to say the words out loud to you. I was so confused, Bella. The feelings I had and still have for you are so strong, I got so overwhelmed by it all that I just couldn't handle it. Writing that note was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life; I was selfish Bella. I was only thinking about myself and my fucked up mind. The pressure just got to great. I feel so terrible for hurting you. Then seeing you with Ayden, I couldn't fucking stand it, but I did that to myself. I let you go.

He paused and I was quiet. I was fuming. Why couldn't he have talked to me about this. We could have figured out a plan together.

"Bella, I realized about a week later, I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I started to call you, or get in my car to come see you, but I knew I had made a mess of things. I didn't want to hurt you anymore than I already had. I'm sorry I lied to you, I love you Bella. I always have and I always will."

We sat quietly for a second.

"So why did you not talk to me about this? Don't you think that maybe I would have some of the same concerns?"

I was really trying not to go postal, he had no right to decide what was best for me without even talking to me about. We had never really talked about our future I had no idea he was in such turmoil. I knew he wanted to be a doctor, and I want to be a writer. I just thought we would go to UW in Seattle and we'd figure it out. I can't believe he didn't talk me about this. He took such a drastic step.

"I don't know Bella, I thought I knew what was best for both of us, but all I did was cause us a lot of unnecessary pain. I had to have time to think. I had to figure out what I wanted out of my life. The only thing I know about the future now is I can't be without you. Everything else just doesn't seem as important as you are to me."

Why is he doing this to me? Why now? How could I trust him again not to leave when things get to be to difficult? It is 4 months later now, I am not the same person I was. I will never be blindsided again. I can't do this right now.

"I'm sorry Edward…I can't do this."

I got up and started heading for my truck praying I would make it before he caught up with me.

"BELLA, wait please."

"BELLA……….BELLA"

He caught me at my truck.

"Look me please Bella." Tears were streaming down his face. I looked up at him, my heart was breaking, I could hardly breathe.

"Please, Bella" His voice was shaky. Barely audible.

"Will you go to homecoming with me?"

"You wrote the letters?" my voice as a whisper almost carried away by the wind.

"Yes, Ben Chaney scribed then for me, so you wouldn't recognize my handwriting and throw then away without reading them. I was afraid. I didn't think I could handle that kind of rejection from you. I love you so much Bella please give another chance. I can't live without you." He pleaded.

We were both in tears now, but for a brief moment as he laid his heart out to me, he was crying and I wasn't for once, as the wetness left my eyes. I knew I would be ok no matter what happened. I just needed to process all this information. I had to be alone for a while.

"Edward, I spent the last 4 months wondering, doubting, crying, and trying to make myself fall out of love with you because it was what you wanted. I am not saying no, I am not saying yes. I have to have sometime to think. You had all the facts to ponder over for months it is my turn to think. I am going to have questions and if you really want me back you will answer them without hesitation and with complete honesty. If you don't agree to that then this will be really over. I am not the same girl you handed that note to, you may not like me now. If you are not up for the challenge, then you better walk away now. Oh, and what about Tanya?"

"I can't walk away from you Bella I tried I really did, you are the one for me, please, I love you. Tanya grabbed me and kissed me before I had a chance to protest. I was buzzed and lonely and I didn't fight her, but nothing happened. I left right after you left with Ayden and I followed you making sure he didn't hurt you." He was sobbing.

I looked at him with skepticism.

"You followed us?"

"Yes and I saw you kiss him and it ripped my fucking heart out Bella." I felt a little guilty.

"I'm sorry" I couldn't look at him.

"Me too" He could barely speak.

I got in my truck and somehow made it home. Before the tears overcame me and cried into my pillow. Charlie left me alone and I was grateful. My phone chirped at 10:00pm.

Goodnight beautiful girl. See you tomorrow. E

Goodnight. B

I fell asleep in my clothes. All cried out.

A/N Please let me know what ya think!!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N Thank you to everyone who has continue to read my story and review. Sorry so late with this chapter. I was in a bit of a Rob Fuckhot Pattinson coma for a few days. Did you see his appearances *swoon* He gets better and better looking. More confident and sexy. Can't wait to see Remember Me. Please participate in 'Remember Me Saturday' See robsessedpattinson dot com for deets. Now on with the show, at least they are talking now.

Disclaimer: Thank you for Edward and sparkly Vampires.

Chapter 6

BPOV

I woke up the next day in a complete fog. What the hell just happened did he really want me back. Did he really love me the whole time. What about that kiss between him and Tanya? Granted I didn't see them together after that. I was really confused. He messed with my heart, my mind, my body and most importantly my confidence in myself. I was suddenly really angry. Of course I was being a hypocrite because I kissed Ayden in front of him. I made mistakes too. So many mistakes. My phone chirped.

Good morning, love can I drive you to school today ~E

Love, damn him he knows my weakness. I almost caved. Then I remembered how pissed and confused I was.

No, not today, I need time, please give me a little space ~B

Will you please go to homecoming with me ~E

I don't know right now I will give an answer soon ~B

Ok see you at school ~E

My heart was heavy as I took a shower, dressed quickly and drove myself to school. I didn't see Edward until Government. His heart looked heavy too. I stopped at my locker after school and found a note this time it was obviously Edward's handwriting. I debated whether or not I should read it. I had to know what he said.

_Bella,_

_I will do whatever it takes to get you back in my life. I know you need time. I will give you as much space as you need. I am leaving everything up to you. Please consider going to Homecoming with me. I know you have a dress Alice told me. We had a long talk and she made me see the gravity of our break up and toll it took on you. I hope one day you will understand why I did what I did. I hope one day you will forgive me. I hope you don't mind if I continue to leave notes in your locker. If it bothers you please let me know. I just _

_need to feel close to you even if it is just leaving notes in your locker. There is so much left unsaid. Will you please talk to me. I love you so much._

_Edward._

Alice, I had to find Alice. What did she say to him. I gonna kill her. I raced to the parking lot and headed towards her house. Jasper's car was in the driveway. I knocked forcefully on the door.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" Alice looked puzzled.

"What did you say to Edward?"

"Come in, Jasper and I need to talk to you."

I anxiously followed her.

"Hi Jasper" I said as I sat down on the couch, Alice took her place beside Jasper. They looked insanely happy.

"Hi, Bella" I adore Jasper he was very supportive of my relationship with Edward.

"Bella, I spoke with Edward over the weekend he came over here asking if I thought there was any possibility that you would take him back. I laid into him Bella, I told him how you were over the summer and I really didn't know if you would take him back especially after he kissed Tanya at Mike's party, and everything that happened with Ayden. He asked me about Homecoming and I told him you didn't have a date, but I forced you to buy a dress just in case."

It made sense now why Edward looked so bad at the beginning of the week.

Alice continued.

"I think you should talk to him, Bella…" Jasper interrupted Alice.

"Look Bella, I love you both. Edward made a huge mistake, please hear him out before you make your final decision. He still loves you, he was miserable with out you this summer." I snorted.

"Who's fault was that Jasper?" He snickered.

"He made a mistake Bella, for the love of god please talk to him."

Alice and Jasper's eyes were pleading with me.

I talked to them more and found out that they both were pining for each other and that they were sorry for wasting so much time.

I was still so confused.

I have to go.

I got in my truck and went the only place I knew to go, it was lightly raining so I pulled my raincoat from behind the seat and walked down the beach to my favorite spot. I covered myself and looked out at the water. My heart and mind went into battle mode. I had so many questions. I knew Edward was the only one who could answer them, but I was scared. Scared of my own magnetic pull to him, how easy it would be to fall right in line, beside him. How easy it could be just to forget the past four months and make love to him. Take him back into my life and heart. Though if I were honest with myself he never really left my heart. I am still so in love with him. He had shattered my trust. Shattered my trust in myself and my own instincts. I felt like I was in the space between and I knew I couldn't make a rational decision until I heard him out.

I took a deep breath and drove to Edward's house he should be home from practice. Esme answered the door.

"Bella, how have you been, I've missed you" She pulled me into a hug, and I couldn't help but feel betrayed by her and Carlisle. They talked Edward into ending things with me. I thought they loved me as a daughter. I guess I was wrong.

"Bella, I'm sorry, Carlisle and I shouldn't have interfered, we just wanted Edward to be responsible and think about his future, but now we know that his future is with you. We honestly had know idea how deep his feelings were for you. We had a long talk and we promised to let Edward make his own choices when it comes to you and his future. He promised he would go to college and that is all we can ask." My eyes started to water.

"I missed you both, Esme. I would have never stopped Edward from going to College. I wish he would have talked to me about it. I have the same concerns about the future….."

"Bella, you're here." Edward was beaming from the staircase.

Esme, kissed me on the check and left the room. I turned to Edward still beaming from the staircase.

"So, I'm ready to hear you out, we can talk here or go to my house, Charlie won't be home tonight, he's working. I can cook for us."

"Sounds good, let me tell my mom where I'm going."

I went outside to wait for him. He appeared at my side and followed me to my truck. I was going to ask him if he was going to take his own car, but he got into the passenger side of my truck.

We drove to my house in silence.

We went inside and I went to the kitchen to make dinner, leftover lasagna and salad. We sat at my kitchen table and I could tell he was sweating bullets. I wanted to comfort him, but my self preservation kicked in. We quickly finished dinner. I cleared our plates, sat down and waited.

"Bella, I can't believe how stupid I was. I should have talked to you about it, I pussed out I gave into my parents. I was so confused."

"Edward, I never pressured you, or said I wanted you to choose me over college, you know I would never do that. If you feel you can't attend school and have a relationship with me, just say so now. I have lived without you for four months. I know I can let you go, you don't have to feel guilty or obligated in anyway to me."

"NO…..BELLA, I can't live without you it was a mistake to even try. I know we can work this out and we can face our future together. I am grateful you didn't pressure me. You and Jazz were the only ones who didn't. He thought I was a fucking idiot and he is right. I didn't tell anyone I was ending it with you until after I gave you that note. Jazz was so pissed at me. He kept telling me that if he had a chance at Alice he would never let her go. He would find a way to make it work. He's right Bella. Please give me another chance."

He looked so damn good. I still had questions. I was grateful Jasper gave him a hard time, a little bittersweet. _You still love him…._

"Edward why didn't you talk to me about this? I mean we talked about everything, you were my best friend."

"I don't know Bella, I was scared and confused. I had to figure out what I wanted. I thought for sure that if I mentioned this to you that you would have freaked out and ended things with me first and I couldn't take that. Because I know how selfless you are, if you thought you were holding me back in anyway you would have stepped aside for me. Bella, I just needed to get it all straight in my own head and I'm sorry."

He can say he is sorry all he wants it is just a word, he is going to have to prove this to me. I understood where he is coming from, but I am not sure my heart can take another rejection. Now the hard questions.

"So, what did you figure out Edward? What do you want?"

"I want you Bella, I want us to apply at the same college and live together, I talked to my mom and dad and they said they would help us with an apartment at whatever college we choose….." I interrupted him.

"And what if I don't want to go to the same college as you?"

"Bella, you choose the college, I will follow you."

"Edward, I can't ask you to do that, what if the college is good for my major, but not yours?"

"I don't care Bella, the only thing I care about is you."

"Edward, I would never let you jeopardize your future for me. I mean isn't that why you broke up with me in the first place. I will not have you resent me or run away from me because you feel suffocated, or tied down to me. If this going to work we need to make these decisions together, and face hard choices together. We have to make sure our relationship is what we both want." I was surprised at how calm I was.

"Do, you want our relationship Bella?"

"I don't know yet Edward. I just need to hear what you were thinking and if you know what you want. It is going to take a lot of work on your part if I am going to let you back into my life. You hurt me beyond words. I have lost my faith and my trust in you. You broke me Edward." I could feel the tears, _don't cry…don't cry, _It didn't help, they were rolling.

"Please don't cry Bella…" as he touched the tears away from my face. I felt my broken heart's cure in his hand. _HOME_

My mind is saying all the proper words but my heart is aching to touch him, and let him make me whole again. Now I'm confused, I never really thought about college and our future, I guess I thought we would just figure it out. I had no idea he felt this way.

"What did you do this summer?"

He asked me out of the blue.

"Oh, I worked at Newton's, I cried, I worked, I cried some more, I spent a lot of time with Alice and at first beach. What did you do?"

"I worked for a construction company out of Port Angeles, actually Jasper and I both."

"WHAT? I mean you worked, Mr. Doctor's son."

"Yes, I was driving myself crazy thinking about you, and my stupid decision to let you go. I saved all the money though we can get a nice apartment."

I snickered and looked away, trying to dry my tears. Suddenly, I wasn't really sure what it was I wanted. Do I want Edward? What about college. Oh my, now I'm confused. I guess that is why I never thought about this stuff. I guess I should.

"Bella, I have to know what happened with Ayden?"

"What, do you mean Edward?" I knew what he was asking, I just wanted to mess with him a bit. _Evil girl, Bella._

"Were you guys together? Did you sleep with him? Did he cheat on you?….

"Whoa, there, one thing at a time." He looked like he was gonna have an aneurism.

"Well"

"Ayden is nice, we had fun, he took me out a few times. I kissed him, no I did NOT sleep with him…._almost, but no," _I said under my breath, I wondered if he heard me, I looked up at him, he was fuming, yep he heard me. I continued, "We really weren't together, it was strange, we just never labeled our relationship, I couldn't commit myself to someone, I was still so broken over you, it wouldn't have been fair to him."

"What do you mean almost, but no?"

I smirked and said smugly.

"Well things got heated one night, but we didn't ever take it any further. Besides, I stopped taking my pills and you know I won't have sex without those. My family is too fertile I won't take the chance."

He looked relieved, but didn't drop it.

"How heated, Bella?"

I debated whether or not I should tell him. If I expected him to be honest with me. Then I had to be honest with him. I blushed.

"Hesortofmademecum" I said quickly and quietly. He sat silent for a few moments. Then his face fell.

"He made you cum?"

"We dry humped he came too, he didn't touch me with his hands, it was just friction." I said matter of fact. I shrugged my shoulders and he looked sick. So I continued.

"He didn't cheat on me I was never his. He started to fall for Amanda and he told me right away. I am grateful for Ayden, he helped me, he never pressured me, he just wanted to spend time with me. He is still my friend. I'm happy for him and Amanda, they are good together. There was no one else. What about you? What about Tanya? Did you sleep with anyone else?" Now I was having an aneurism. Did I really want to know?

"NO, I didn't, I never stopped loving you, and Tanya, that bitch, does not know how to take no for an answer. She cyber stalked me on Facebook the minute I changed my relationship status, even after I removed her as my friend. She used Jessica and Lauren's account to post things on my wall. After I removed them she still managed to send me emails and texts after I blocked her. I finally told her the night of Mike's party, that I would never be interested in her when she kissed me and you saw it. If you would have looked just seconds before you would have seen me yelling at her to leave me the fuck alone. Yes, I did kiss her longer than I should have, it just felt good to be kissed again, but she's a terrible kisser." I huffed and rolled my eyes.

We sat silent for a moment and wanted to just throw all my resolve away and kiss him senseless. I was literally making my hands stay still and not touch him by crossing my arms.

"So, how did you get Tanya and the rest of the vulture squad to stop bothering you?"

"I just avoided them and told them I wouldn't date them. I guess they just gave up."

"Well just because they are leaving you alone doesn't mean they gave up." I said sternly.

He smiled at me and swear the Amazon flooded my panties.

"Will you please go to Homecoming with me?"

"OK"

A/N What did you think. Baby steps right. Next chapter Homecoming.


	7. Chapter 7

Did everyone see Remember Me, I loved it. It was nice to see Rob play a human. Just a normal guy. HE WAS DELICIOUS!!!!

Disclaimer: Stephenie, will we ever see Breaking Dawn get into production? I want to see it, cockblocking and all!! HEHE

Chapter 7

BPOV

I stood in front of the mirror and the woman staring back at me was someone I would not have recognized a year ago. A strong and confident version of my former self. Tonight was Homecoming and Edward was picking me up in 10 minutes. Alice had worked her magic and left 40 minutes ago. I had been pacing the room thinking about the events of the past two weeks after that talk Edward and I had in my kitchen.

I asked him the 'why now' question before he walked out the front door. He said he couldn't stand seeing Ayden and I together, but kept his distance out of guilt and the fact that he had no claim to me, he had let me go. My relationship with Ayden broke his resolve and he had a talk with his parents. They convinced him to follow his heart and apologized for interfering. He started writing the notes because it was the only way he could think of to speak to me. The notes were a subtle way to 'throw his hat in the ring'. I am glad he wrote me the notes. I still don't understand why he chose to write me instead of just talking to me. He said he had to seize the opportunity to get me back, now that Ayden was out of the picture.

We talk almost every night on the phone. I still have not agreed to be his girlfriend again even though he has asked me to be. The only thing I agreed to was going to this dance with him. It was nice having my friend back though. I realized just how much I missed him. I am taking this slow and it will be on my terms. I heard Charlie answer the door, he is more forgiving then I am. I could hear them make polite small talk. I told Charlie that we were talking again. He told me that he knew I loved Edward, but cautioned me not to run back too soon.

"Bella, Edward is here."

I heard my dad call from downstairs. I took one final look in the mirror and slowly walked down the stairs. I heard him gasp, yeah my dress is amazing. He looked simply delicious. He was wearing a dark cobalt blue snug suit with a black shirt and tie. His green eyes were smoldering. His hair looked as if he had been freshly fucked per usual. He almost made me fall, because my knees went weak.

"You look beautiful, Bella."

"Thanks, you look dashing."

"Dashing, really Bella, who says dashing?" He was chuckling at me.

I just shrugged my shoulders. He walked me out to his car and opened the door for me. He took me to the lodge, the nicest restaurant in Forks, we came here on many occasions before we broke up. Dinner was really good and we had pleasant conversation. He paid the bill, then headed for the dance.

The gym was tastefully decorated, not bad for Forks. The dance was already in full swing. Edward and I entered the gym and I immediately spotted Alice, Jasper, Ayden and Amanda. We went over and engaged in small talk. I introduced Edward to Ayden they kind of scowled at each other. I shot them both a look, and they stopped. Alice took me slightly aside.

"You guys look cozy, are you back together?"

"No, he keeps asking though, I'm just not sure yet if I want to go there again. It has been nice having him around again though."

She nodded at me.

"So, Alice, how's Jasper."

"Perfect" she was starry-eyed.

The music slowed and Edward pulled me from Alice, to the dance floor. He pulled me close; I could feel the heat from his body and his smell was intoxicating, oh how I love his smell. Our bodies were perfectly molded together. We swayed in perfect time and Edward started singing in my ear..

'_She's got a way with me, she's got a way with me…whatever it is, I'll be under her spell, she'll always be all I'll ever need. I could search the whole world, and I know I'd never find someone perfect as her for me….'_

He dipped me down and brought me up, then kissed my forehead. I felt it everywhere, my body was on fire. He continued to sing..

'_Suddenly it's something, you just can't live without, oh, you know you found love, beyond any doubt…'_

He kissed me chastely on the lips a few times as we swayed to the music. I heard him start to sing again. Tears were glistening my eyes as I listened to his heavenly voice filled with sensual lyrics.

'_She got a way with me, She's got a way with me._'

I crashed my lips into his, we had not kissed like this since we started slowly repairing our relationship. I kissed him with abandon, with fire, with passion. Our tongues slipped and swirled, as we blocked out the rest of the people in the room. I was so lost in him that I didn't realize the music had changed to something more upbeat until someone bumped into us, breaking our kiss. I closed my eyes, as he touched his forehead to mine. I just wanted to be as close as possible to him. It was like I felt everything all at once, the love, loss, pain, anger, fear, joy, and the want. My whole body felt alive and my heart was surrendering.

He suddenly got down on his knees in the middle of the dance floor and I looked down at him stunned and embarrassed. I did not like being the center of attention and everyone started to staring at us.

"Edward, what are you doing?" I asked him as I looked onto his eyes, his soul. My hand was in his hair. I love the way it feels.

"Bella, please will you be my girlfriend, please take me back."

All I could do was stare at him. I was taken completely off guard. I started to shake.

"Edward, please get off the floor, I need to talk to you alone about this."

He got up and I pulled him through a sea of people who were still staring at us. We reached the parking lot and he opened the car door for me, reading my mind. He got into the driver's side.

"We can go to my house, Charlie is working overnight, he should have left shortly after we did tonight."

He pulled into my driveway, we got out of the car and went up to my room. He sat on my bed and I sat in the rocking chair in the corner.

"Edward, I am scared. I don't have any idea how to trust you. How do I know that you won't run again when things get hard or you get confused? You hid your confusion really well from me and you FOR SURE did not talk to me about it. I will not be slapped in the face like that again Edward my heart can't take it. You are either all in this or nothing."

He looked at me defeated.

"Bella, I know that I have put you through hell and I know I have a lot to make up to you. Please let me back into your life. You are everything to me. I promise I will do anything you ask and I will show you just how serious I am about our future. Please Bella, I am ALL IN!" His eyes were sincere. I was crumbling.

"OK"

"BUT"

"I set the pace, we hang out, we date, you answer any questions I may have. I will not get on birth control again until I am ready to. Sex will not be an option for a while. We will see how it goes."

He was down on his knees in front of me before I even realized what was going on. His hands cupped my face. His eyes glistened with water.

"I swear to you Bella, I love you and I can't live with out you and I will do everything in my power to earn your trust back." His voice was shaky. He was on the verge of losing it.

My tears spilled over and I pressed my lips into his. Our kiss was slow and full of fire. He pulled my down out of the chair and on to his lap. We continued to kiss; pouring the pain and loss out of our hearts and replacing it with love and hope with every swipe of our joined tongues.

He broke our kiss.

"I love you, Bella"

"I love you too, Edward"

A/N I know this was short, I wanted to write a lemon, but it doesn't feel like the right time yet. I will put one in the next chappy. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

So can does anyone know who sings the song in this chapter?

I am trying to get my hubby to write an Edwards POV. Keep your fingers crossed.


	8. Chapter 8

Well this is it, the last chapter before the Epilogue. I have loved writing this story!! There's a short EPOV here. I am still hoping my hubby will write Edward's POV for this story.

Disclaimer: Stephenie thank you for Edward. He is delicious.

Chapter 8

BPOV

Edward and I fell into our rhythm again. It was nice to have him back in my life. I was really taking things slow. It was Christmas now and we had been on several dates, made out like the horny teenagers we were, but still no sex yet. Most importantly we applied together to our top college choices. I couldn't believe we didn't just talk about this because every college I wanted to go to he did too. It shouldn't be hard deciding where to go next year. I had already obtained several scholarships. Everything for next year was already pretty much worked out. We were just waiting for our acceptance letters.

It was the day before Christmas Eve and I had been out doing some last minute shopping. I was having a hard time figuring out what to get Edward. What do you get the guy who has everything. I was standing in the middle of the humble mall in Port Angeles, as I looked at all the store fronts. I had gotten him a couple of really lame gifts and I wanted to find something else. I looked at Victoria's Secret. I went in and found the most delicious piece of lingerie, it was making me bit my lip thinking about Edward's face if he were to ever see me in it, and what he would do to me. I started thinking about Charlie's schedule. When would he be gone all night, oh right, Christmas night. I got back on my pills immediately, I just didn't tell Edward. He wanted more from me I could always feel it at the end of our make out sessions, but he would just say good night and go home, never pressuring me.

I bought the scandalous piece from Victoria's Secret and thought about how proud Alice would be. She is with Jasper today. I didn't tell her I was shopping. I needed to be alone. My heart and mind had been doing battle for the past week about making love to Edward again. I just needed a sign and this purchase was it. So I had a nice pair of Ray Ban sunglasses, the new 'Kings of Leon' CD, as his presents. I will also write him a note that I will give to him privately.

I drove home thinking about the final details of my plan. We would have the house to ourselves Christmas night and I will give myself to him again. I was aching with anticipation.

When I got home, I sat down and composed the note, then wrapped his gifts.

~Edward~

I have a very special present for you, but I can't give it to you now. Could you please come to my house at 8pm Christmas night.

~Bella~

I wrote it on elegant Christmas Paper. I will give it to him tomorrow at his house when Charlie and I go to the Cullen's for Esme's famous Christmas Eve party. Most everyone in town goes. We will exchange gifts then too. I will leave Carlisle and Esme's present under their tree. Alice was coming over to help me get ready, we went shopping a few weeks ago to find the perfect dress. I wanted to knock his socks off. I think I will.

I woke up late the next day it was Christmas Eve. Alice would be here in an hour, so I jumped in the shower. Alice was sitting on my bed when I came in the room. I let out a loud yelp and jumped sky high. I had my robe on thank goodness.

"Damn, Alice you scared me."

"Sorry, Charlie let me."

"It's ok, how are you?"

"I'm great Bella, I am so in love." I blushed.

"Yeah, me too." We giggled.

We talked about the gifts we got our boyfriends. She got Jasper some Civil War memorabilia off the internet and some clothes. I told her about the sunglasses and CD. I went to my closet and pulled out the Victoria's Secret bag and showed her Edward's final gift.

"WOW, Bella that is gorgeous. So does this mean you are sleeping with him again?" She looked at me quizzically.

"No, but I decided that will be his third present. I am going to place a note on his pillow before I leave his house tonight inviting him over tomorrow night, Charlie is working." Her eyes beamed.

"Bella, I am really glad that you and Edward worked things out, and that you are back together. You are meant to be." She hugged me tightly.

"SO, Alice how's Jasper?" She smiled brightly and blushed.

"Ohhhh, Bella he is everything, sweet, smart, and unbelievably gorgeous. He does things to me…" She trailed off into daydream land.

"Alice…..ALICE" I tried to get her attention. Her eyes caught mine.

"WOW, that good huh?"

"You have no idea. I want to marry him Bells, I know he is it for me." She was absolutely starry eyed. Smitten.

"Marriage, really Alice are you sure, we are so young."

"I have never been more sure about anything in my life." I saw something in her eyes I have never seen before, she was utterly euphoric. She continued

"What about you Bella, do you want to marry Edward?" I froze, almost panicked.

"I guess, one day I would like to marry him. I'm not opposed to the idea; I want to go to college, then maybe settle down. I don't know." I shrugged my shoulders.

"I know you will marry him, Bella he is your ONE." She smiled brightly.

"Yeah, it's just scary, you know my parents didn't exactly have a great marriage, it ended pretty much before it began. Now my mom is in an abusive relationship, I don't want that for my life."

"Oh, Bella you are not your mother. Your relationship with Edward is different from your mom and dad's. You can't stop fate Bella, love always wins." I love her optimism.

"I know Alice, I can't help but feel like I am too young to make a decision like that. I am sure though if he asked me I would say yes. We haven't even talked about it. All I know is he wants to have kids someday, he told me just the other day." She eyed me curiously.

"Bella, look at who you are now, look at Edward, what you have is real more real than most married people, just like Jazz and me. I think you should really think about marriage seriously." Now I'm confused. Do I want to marry Edward? I am way to young for this line of thinking.

We spent the afternoon getting ready, talking and laughing. I love my best friend, Alice. We were ready and Jasper came to pick her up. I found myself looking again into the mirror in my room, staring at the woman I have become, seemingly overnight. _Do I want to marry Edward? Would we be happy? What about our future? WOW I am overwhelmed._

"Bells, time to go." I heard my dad call from downstairs.

I gathered my gifts to Edward and his family and met my dad downstairs. We rode to the Cullen's in comfortable silence. I was lost in thought about Alice, Edward and marriage. WOW, am I really considering that possibility. _Bella, stop this crazy thinking he hasn't even asked you OR talked to you about it, he probably doesn't want that right now. Oh my maybe he doesn't want to ever get married. I need to talk to him….wait does that mean I want to get married. Yes, one day only to Edward. _

We got to the Cullen's and Edward met at my dad's cruiser. Helping me out of the car.

"You look beautiful, love."

He kissed me and I inhaled his intoxicating scent.

We went into the party and I put my gift for Edward's parents under the tree. Edward looked utterly gorgeous, he had on tight new button fly dark denim jeans and a black pinstripe button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his forearms. He had on black Doc Martin boots. Delicious. My girlie bits ached for him.

"Come on, I have something for you upstairs in my room." I smiled at him coyly, through my lashes. Flirting shamelessly.

"Oh, really and what would that be Mr. Cullen.? I grazed the front of his pants with my palm. His eyes widened.

"Bella" He warned, "Don't do that unless you want me to take you right here in front of the whole damn town including our parents." I giggled as he pulled me upstairs to his room.

I sat on his bed and he handed me a small box. It looked like a jewelry box. I tore the paper off and carefully opened the box. He had gotten me a gorgeous charm bracelet. It had a B and an E charm. It also had a piano, book, a truck, a wildflower, like the one from his meadow, a seashell, heart and a notepad. It was the story of our life and love I could wear on my wrist and take with me. With tears pooling I hugged him with everything I had.

"Thank you, I love it."

He handed me another gift and I opened it. He got me a few books I've been wanting. I smelled them and took in their covers. I love the smell of new books. I gave him his gifts.

He opened the sunglasses first he loved them and looked utterly heavenly in them. Of course, Edward can make anything look good. _God, I can't believe this beautiful man is mine. _Then he opened the CD I bought him. He put in the 'Kings of Leon' and we listened to it for a while. He loved it.

We headed down to the party. We laughed and talked with all of our friends and family. It was getting late and my dad wanted to go. I told Edward I needed to use the bathroom, but I really wanted to place his final gift on his pillow, the note asking him to my house tomorrow night. OHHH, the things I'm going to do to him. He has been so patient and loving, never pushing me, never making me uncomfortable. Just loving me, earning me back, heart and soul. I needed to make him mine again and I wanted him to claim me as his. I could not wait to make love to him again. I was consumed with the thought of that. The ache was killing me. I knew I would have to take matters into my own hands when I got home.

EPOV

Bella left and I went up stairs to my room, the party was fading and people were leaving. I got to my room and noticed something on my pillow. I went over and opened it. I recognized the script immediately it was from Bella. I read it and wondered what my final gift would be, of course I am hoping it is what I am so desperately craving from her. I want to make her mine again in everyway. I want to make love to her so badly. I want to show her how much she means to me. I have another gift for her too. I was too much of a pussy to kneel down in front of her tonight and ask her to be with me the rest of our lives. I even asked her father for her hand. He agreed, and told me that she is happiest when she is with me and he knew I would take care of her next year when we go away for school.

I was really an idiot letting her go like I did. I was so confused and I am glad I figured out what I really wanted in my life, and above anything else, I want her. I never stopped loving her and the more I tried to stop, the harder I fell for her. I had made a plan at the beginning of the year to get her back. I knew I could not live with out her any longer. We would figure it out together; I need her like air. Then that stupid party, Ayden and Tanya. I thought for sure I had lost her. It was so hard watching her with him. She said they weren't together, but it sure looked like they were. I wanted to go and throw her over my shoulder and claim her as mine, but I knew Bella would have been livid and that would be a sure way to never have her in my life again. So I had Eric pen the notes for me. That way I could see if she was open to other possibilities. She really didn't respond, and that scared me. I never heard her speak of the notes or ask anyone if they wrote them. That shouldn't have surprised me though, Bella is not one to air her laundry in front of people. I'm just glad she is with me again. This time I will not let her go. So I decided that when she gives me her final gift, I will ask her to mine.

BPOV

The day drug on and I was tingling with excitement. I made dinner for Charlie, and some of the guys from the reservation. We opened gifts and I spent a little of the afternoon getting my room ready for later. Candles littered my dresser and desk, and they smell like Freesia. I pulled out that naughty lingerie and hung it in my closet. All I have to do is take a shower, put on some light makeup and curl my hair.

Now the kitchen is clean, and everyone has gone home, my dad has just left for his shift. I have 45 minutes to get ready. I should have called Alice. Damn will I ever get all of this done.

So he will be here in five minutes. I am standing once again in front of the mirror. I feel like I am going to lose my virginity all over again. I look stunning. I bought midnight blue of course, his favorite color. I gave myself an impressive head of sex hair, and my make up was perfect. I tied the robe covering the corset and boy shorts I was wearing. I heard a knock at the door. I looked out just to be sure it was Edward. He was standing there in a grey peacoat dark denim jeans and his Doc Martin boots. He knocked again, waking me out of my ogling. I shock my hair up, untied my robe and slowly opened the door. I stood in front of him one hand on my hip and one on the door frame, letting my robe open fully. I heard him gasp. I chuckled slightly before I grabbed his coat and pulled his stunned frame through the door. I closed the door and pushed him against the back of it as my lips crashed into his. I broke our kiss.

"Merry Christmas, Edward."

"Bella…" He was breathless and lost for words. I heard him whisper. "God, your gorgeous."

His hands were all over me, feeling the delicate fabric of my corset and panties. He pressed his fingers into my cloth covered slit and rubbed me gently making me moan into his mouth, it felt so good to be touched. I took his coat off his shoulders and threw it on the couch. Not breaking our kiss, I unbuttoned his pants, slid my hand in stroking his hard throbbing cock as he made delicious noises. Edward was kissing and rubbing me harder; I felt like I was going to explode.

"Edward, my room now."

He picked me up caveman style and ran up the stairs, I was laughing and screaming the whole time. He smacked me on the ass and threw me on the bed. He was on me in seconds. Rocking his hips into me, creating delicious friction. He pulled the corset down over my hips and off my body. He came back up without his shirt and took a nipple into his mouth as his hand cupped my other breast. He kicked his shoes off and I reached down taking his pants and underwear off in one smooth motion. His erection stood proud and I stroked him on the way up capturing his lips, as we returned to our rocking friction.

I hooked my panties and pulled them off my body as quickly as I could. I pulled him back on me and lined him up. We cried out as he entered me, the relief was exquisite and he rocked us in a steady earth shattering motion. It was somewhere between making love and fucking. It had never been this way before, for one thing he was not wearing a condom; I wondered if he realized it. I opened my eyes and saw his were on fire. I was completely lost in him as he moved above me, taking me, claiming me, making noises I have never heard him make before. I was lost, consumed, shaking, he felt so good. Tears of love, joy and elation streamed down my face as my orgasm took me and rocked me to my core, it was hands down the best I have ever had. My inner walls clammed down on him as he exploded, he was shaking, breathless, and tiny tears escaped his beautiful green eyes. He fell into my shoulder his full weight on me and it felt so good. We just laid there for a moment, breathing heavily, and trying to get our trembling under control. We were still connected, he was still twitching.

"I love you, Bella with everything I am, marry me." I barely heard him. My breath caught and suddenly I had perfect clarity, one of those moments where everything aligned and I threw all my reservations out the window. I will never want anyone else. He is it for me.

"I love you too, and yes, I will marry you." In the same wispy voice.

He lifted his head and our eyes locked.

"Really?" His face lit up, and before I could answer.

Then he jumped off me in a panic. I sat up wondering what made him move so fast. He was pacing, his hand on the back of his neck. His eyes were full of concern. He would look at me then at the floor. I watched him curiously, waiting for him to speak. Feeling self conscience; I covered my naked body with my top sheet.

"Um, Bella we didn't use a condom." His voice was shaking and he looked like he was going to lose it, or throw up.

Yes that was obvious he was dripping and glistening with our juices. I couldn't take my eyes off of his semi hard penis as he circled the floor.

"Relax, Edward I've been back on the pill for a few months now." His eyes meet mine and he seemed to calm down a little bit. Then he quickly left the room.

"Edward, where are you going?" I called after him.

I heard him come back up the stairs. He appeared at my side and opened a velvet box.

"Bella, I want to spend my life with you." He grabbed my left hand and slid the most stunning engagement ring on my third finger. It had a large round center diamond with smaller diamonds circling that. It was set in white gold. Big fat tears fell from my eyes.

"I love you, and I want to spend my life with you too."

He crawled back into bed with me and we cuddled and kissed.

We fell asleep.

THE END

A/N What did you think? The Epilogue is all that is left.


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